What I wish I knew when planning baby #2
Every woman and every pregnancy is different. Not every pregnancy brings the same feelings! Prenatal depression and anxiety exists. This is my take on it.
Hello My Loves!
There are some families that feel complete with just one child and others with 10 children. Us? All we knew is that we did not want our son to be an only child. So…
On June 13th my husband and I finally got married. In September, we decided to start for baby #2. Our son is already two and loves being around other friends so we so badly wanted to give him his life long friend❤️
So we tried and tried for about 3 or 4 months. I was starting to feel discouraged and started to think something was wrong because we got pregnant with our son on the first try.
It became a mental battle to be strong and thankful for the child that I already had and know that God will provide when the time is right.
He always does.
Well, after giving up on “trying”, on December 29th I got my first VERY positive pregnancy test! I was only 9 DPO (days past ovulation), according to my calculations, but when I tell you that this “test” line was BLAZING! I could see it from outside the bathroom door! I was literally in shock! Mostly because of how dark the line was for how early I was testing! Like, I definitely knew that from the looks of that line that I was either further along than I thought OR there is more than one!
Immediately I thanked God for always being faithful regardless of my doubts and so did my very very excited husband!
But…
In a matter of days my anxiety went from wondering if I’d be able to give my child a sibling to “oh my goodness my baby isn’t going to be my ONLY baby anymore”!
When I tell you, that the devil was really trying to turn a blessing into fear ..he was working hard and becoming successful.
How could I now be so fearful and full of anxiety over being able to have another baby?? A baby that we tried and prayed so hard for??
Soon came the panic attacks.
Soon came the uncontrollable sobbing.
I have NEVER heard a mother talk about the anxiety that they get when having another child!
It really was such a surprise to me because I felt no anxiety or fear when I was pregnant with my first child.
Like how do you get past that??
How do you get past…
“My baby won’t be my only baby anymore.”
“How am I going to love another child like I love my first?”
“Will my first baby love the next baby?”
“Will he feel any less loved??”
Then after all of the mom guilt thoughts subside…in rolls the the actual trauma of my first birth and postpartum experience ..
Did you know that your labor and delivery experience plays a huge role in your postpartum experience???
Yeah! So sadly, if you had a rough and traumatizing labor and delivery experience like I did, there’s a good chance of having the same postpartum experience.
For awhile those thoughts HAUNTED ME day and night!
Like, why?!
Why can’t I just be absolutely excited for this pregnancy?
I want to be so bad!
I want to be in love and excited just as much as I was with my first pregnancy!
All I wanted was to be pregnant again. To give my kid a sibling.
And I still do!
This time around it just takes a bit more faith in God.
It’s been about 3 months since finding out and I’m doing a lot better with it. Some days are still very hard between being so tired, being so sick, and the occasional thought of how am I going to take care of three kids when my husband has to finally return to work??
Yeah, three! We are having twins! God obviously had a purpose in that and I want to trust that purpose no matter how much it scares me!
I’m trying my best to be super excited about twins.
I am praying that I can be more knowledgeable and in control of how this birth experience goes.
It just would have been nice to know that it’s normal to want a baby and still be scared. It would have helped with the thought of “I don’t deserve this” and “I’m not a good enough mom for this”.
So, to any other mom going through this, whether it’s your first, second, or third and so on; you’re not alone!
Oh! And if you’re a twin mom reading this, please message me through my IG @taken_by_faith because I’d really love to connect with you!