The Importance of Having A “Home”: The Postpartum Perspective
How do you define a “home”?
What would you say a home consists of? Is it the people, the size, the decor, the length of time spent in one place?
I have always said that my family is my “home”.
The place where I feel love, comfort, and safety. It doesn't matter where we are as long as I have my family, right?!
But, what happens when you’re left alone?
When you are no longer surrounded by the things and people that you once were completely surrounded by?
Imagine this…
You’re used to living in a home full of family since the day you took your first breath. You shared space, time, laughter, hurt, memories.
And then…
You move into a place with your spouse a few months before you’re about to have your first baby…
This is actually very exciting news! You actually couldn’t wait to get out of your parents house and move in with the love of your life!
In this new place you have your main pieces of furniture and all of your necessities.
But, everything else is blank and empty.
No pictures on the walls, no decorations, nothing really…
You never really think to actually spend some money and time to decorate and fill your new place with some beautiful memories that were made.
For some reason you don’t think that it’s THAT important because you have the love of your life to live with.
Well, after the baby is born, your spouse has to go back to work leaving you in this new, blank, empty space with a newborn baby.
The only person you have to talk to is your new baby, but there’s really no conversation happening.
Everything is repetitive, silent, and painful.
What do you think happens to your mind in this scenario?
If you’re thinking…
That you would go insane…
That your new friends would go by the names of anxiety and depression…
That is exactly right!
That was me! It gets deeper than that but, sadly that is all I can actually form into words.
Let me tell you just how much of a shock it was to my system to go from living with family 24/7 to being in solitude almost 24/7.
This is what solitude does to your mental health.
Let’s start with the obvious depression and anxiety. It can cause confusion, extreme mood swings, inability to cope with daily problems, trouble sleeping, and not to mention actual physical health issues!
It got so bad that my husband became my enemy, I felt lost and unworthy. I started thinking that something was watching me and my child whenever I tried to care for him. I literally went insane and probably was hallucinating… I needed to be “home” again because honestly the place that we resided seemed too far gone to make it feel like it was “home”.
You may have not come from a close knit family like me, but being in a place that is new, unfamiliar, empty, with nobody to talk to…it would do just the same to you.
I, myself, do not ever want to have to go through that again and I definitely do not want anyone else going through that either!
So, here are the things that need to happen to hopefully avoid going insane too.
Your “home” is whatever you make it out to be!
I do not believe that a home is the physical place that I reside but the people that I love and share life with.
Go back to the questions at the beginning.
How do you define a “home”?
What would you say a home consists of? Is it the people, the size, the decor, the length of time spent in one place?
If your views are the same as mine. Do me a favor, make the place you reside in SCREAM home with decor, pictures, art, whatever brings you comfort.
Because being alone is not always scary or unwanted. It only becomes that way when there is no hint of “home” anywhere to be seen.
Invite Family & Friends Over!
I know with COVID forever going rampant and infecting everyone it can be hard and give you excuses. But, it is necessary to keep our relationships alive and well! Go outside for a walk or something. The fresh air can be so helpful, it is literally refreshing for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Walk and visit with friends and family.
Do something for yourself! This, I can not emphasize enough because this is the biggest game changer!
Stay busy doing things that make you feel like the best version of yourself because your life doesn’t need to only revolve around cooking, cleaning, and caring for a newborn.
You may not have the energy at first, but just deny yourself the comfort just for a minute because you will never regret doing something that makes you feel like yourself again.
You can do something simple and take time to work out, do your make up, get your hair or nails done. I don’t know and I do not care what you do as long as you do it for you.
Or, you can be a little extreme and start that small business you maybe always thought about because there really is no better time than now.
Just do it.
I want to see you smile and feel good.
Make a “HOME” for yourself, you will be happy that you took the time and the resources to do so.
So Much Love,
Ki’ari