What Does the Bible Say About Discipling Our Children?

Hey Lovelies💕

First off, let’s just say, parenting no matter how it is done, is hard! It’s EXTREMELY refining!

I mean I’ve heard that parenting does not have to be HARD as long as we center Jesus in our parenting, but I feel like I haven’t gotten to that point, YET!

This world is definitely no help with a million and one ways to parent and discipline your child. So, is it even worth referencing the world? Nope. I don’t think so.

But, let’s get into it and how this even became a topic for me.

My husband and I have three children. The eldest being a 3.5 year old and the youngest being 1 year old twins. Honestly, it’s great but sometimes it’s really really rough because we noticed that we CONSTANTLY are “correcting” and “reprimanding” our eldest that it seems to be the only things coming out of our mouths. While, we also are praising our babies for everything.

Eventually, Yelling at him did nothing, time -out became a game, worst of all…he started to do things purposely.

This made us really think, cry, and pray. Realizing we are doing this all wrong.

We are hurting our child.

We broke down so badly at the thoughts of how we hurt our first baby.

When we break…where do we need to look? To God!

First, we are reminded of who WE are. We are CHILDREN of God, who continues to pour out his love, grace, and mercy on us. So, we should extend the same to our own children. Because every relationship is a reflection of the one we hold with our God.

So this big question is…

How can we correct our son's behavior without turning him away and questioning our love?

Love him like Jesus loves us!

One of many Bible verses says this,

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”Proverbs 13:24

Let’s break it down.

If you’re not willing to disciple your child then you are just leading him to death because a parent who loves their child is willing to lead their child to life through correction and refinement.

The word DILIGENT means:

diligent | ˈdiləj(ə)nt |

adjective

having or showing care and conscientiousness in one's work or duties:

SHOWING YOUR CARE IN THE MOMENT

Next, the word DISCIPLINE means:

discipline | ˈdisəplən |

noun

1 the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience:

We as parents must first TRAIN (teach) our children the expected behavior.

We can’t expect our children to know how to behave when we never actually TAUGHT them how to behave in each situation.

As parents, we look at our children as they get old and think “oh, they should know how to act. OR “I know he/she understands because sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t”

First off, if the issue is developmental. That’s the first problem because we forget to realize that our children do not think or process situations as we do. They are still learning things that seems like “common sense” to us, but ITS NOT to them! Because instead of helping them, we end up hardening their hearts.

Conclusion:

-Be reminded of where our children are developmentally

-With CARE, TEACH what is expected

-Give them some time to understand

-When the behavior is not followed at first, extend some patience and grace to your child like the Lord does for us and TEACH again.

-Be the example you expect of your children.

-lastly, punishment is required for disobedience. Im not saying beat your kid. Im saying this would be the time for “time out” or “taking away fun for the time being”.

-Do all of this in LOVE and not in POWER

These are the steps my husband and I will continually be taking in parenting/disciplining our children.

Just after a few days of implementing the biblical way of disciplining, changes are already noticeable.

God works in every situation!

Like everything else, I pray that this post blesses you and your family!💕

So much love,

Ki’ari

It’s Not Just You!

Hey Lovelies,

This one is for the mamas that are breastfeeding or pumping,

specifically all of the mamas that still experience a “letdown”.

Random. But, I learned that not everyone feels their letdown, or breast filling! I thought everyone did! Anyways!

Serious question….

When you begin to pump or feed, do you experience this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel super sick?

A feeling that makes you contemplate that you’re a “bad” mother and everything is going wrong and you just feel nothing but depression or anxiety???

The craziest part is that you didn’t feel ANY of that before the feeding/pumping session and it’s gone right after!

Yeah, me too!

Don’t get me wrong postpartum can be hard but I’ve loved almost every part of this journey with my twins from pregnancy until now. So this feeling that I get is

1. Horrible

2. Confusing

Well, I’ve learned there’s actually a name for it.

Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex or D-MER

According to the National Breastfeeding Journal, D-MER is described as an “abrupt emotional “drop” that occurs in some women just before milk release and continues for not more than a few minutes” (Heise & Wiessinger, 2011).

(You can read more by clicking on the Journal title above)

There’s not much research on it but the thought is that dopamine, our feel good hormone, significantly drops as a result of the spike in Oxytocin which is necessary for milk production and maternal and baby connection.

There really are no “treatments” or “cures” due to the lack of research but knowledge is power… and knowing that there is a PHYSICAL reason I get this feeling helps me to shut it down quickly and reassure myself.

I’m doing a great job.

I’m successfully nourishing my babies with my body and motherhood was never meant to be easy but God believes I’m more than capable❤️

I pray that this information helps you in the same way.

I pray that you know that…

It’s not you mama…

You’re not alone in your struggles.

Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing and sometimes it’s not, but a lot of times it helps to know why things happen.

But, for now, SMILE because you are providing nourishment for your beautiful babies!

Until next time…

So Much Love,

Ki’ari

Getting Through The Nicu Experience: Tips from a Twin Mom

Hey My Loves,

Getting Through The Nicu Experience: Tips from Twin Mom

Everyday I knew there was a pretty good chance of my twin girls spending time in the NICU. Regardless of the chances I prayed everyday that my girls would come home with me the day of discharge.

Sadly, you win some and you lose some.

My Labor and delivery was magical and everything I could ever want out of the experience. If you haven’t read my Twin Labor and Delivery Story you can read it here : https://www.takenbyfaith.com/faith/twin-delivery-story-trusting-god

I got the labor and delivery experience I dreamed of but my girls ended up needing 15 days in the NICU.

Leaving the hospital without them felt so awfully wrong and I could not fight the hurt and tears for days on end.

What I’ve learned is that, feeling this was is absolutely okay because it is hard and it isn’t normal to leave your babies behind.

As hard as the NICU experience was there were things that kept me sane and pushing through that I wanted to share with you mamas.

1. Trust in God

He knows what he’s doing and opportunities like this reveal our faith and dependency on God.

He made their labor and delivery magical for me. He turned my fears into joy! He brought my husband and I closer together through this experience. Everyday we prayed for our faith to be strengthened in him and for his strength and comfort to surround our girls. We prayed for our girls but we also prayed for each other and gave each other grace to feel the feelings we had and then bring ourselves back to the present moment where God is and that is what got us through.

2. Visit & Check In Often

We drove 40 minutes to and from the hospital to be with our babies everyday. I couldn’t go a day without being with them for at least one feeding. So, try to visit as often as possible and fill yourself up with all the baby love. It was not always easy going there especially with a toddler but God made it work. If you can’t visit or you’re just missing your baby or babies then call the NICU and ask for an update! It helps, trust me. Oh! Also take lots and lots of pictures and videos.

3. Stay Informed

Very Important! Know what is going on with your baby/babies. Know their current health status. Make sure you’re getting updates from the providers everyday. Know the goals that are set for your baby. Keep track of every milestone and celebrate it! Every milestone that’s met is a win but also remember that if things go backwards a little, it’s okay, trust God and the process.

4 Gratitude

You have been through so much and you’re a lot further than you once were and so is your baby. Find things that are positive and rest in them.

I am Grateful for :

• My husband being home and supportive

• Supportive family to watch our toddler

• Another day to see my girls

• Grateful that my girls are doing so well and that their providers are amazing

• My Toddler being home to love on and keep us busy

• Grateful for my health and recovery going so well

• Etc.

There are many things to be grateful for you just have to be willing to pay attention to it.

5. Take care of yourself

Try not to forget the fact that your body just went through a traumatic experience and you need healing. Your babies need a healthy mama, mentally and physically. Trusting God, seeking him daily, and practicing gratitude is going to heal your mentality so that your body can heal. Nobody wants to go home without their babies but in the NICU they’re in the best care and regardless of how hard it is, you still have to go home without them . So during that time you might as well take that time to rest and heal so when your baby is home it will be that much better and easier taking care of them. Do what makes you feel good and get lots of rest.

The NICU is no easy experience but it WILL come to an end and your baby will be home with you. You got this mama! You’re not alone!

So Much Love,

Ki’ari

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:13 ESV

What Saved Me During the First Trimester

Hello Loves,

Pregnant with Twins!

Who would have ever thought?! Honestly, it was bound to happen due to the incredible number of twins running in both of our families. These twins will be the 17th set of twins on his father’s side! Isn’t that crazy!?

This is my second pregnancy and let me tell you… this time around, the first trimester hit me like a ton of bricks!

Of course this being my second pregnancy, I am going to compare it to my first pregnancy for a moment LOL.

During my first pregnancy the whole entire first trimester was a breeze and I was loving every bit of it! 

This time, I am looking forward to the days when my appetite and energy are at 100%! LOL. I am currently 18 weeks and still have periods of nausea and exhaustion but it is so much better! So there is HOPE!

I want you to remember that this post is about MY experience and what helped ME. Every woman and every pregnancy is different and I just hope my experience makes yours easier.

First off, I have learned that the more babies that you are carrying, the crazier the hormones are. Everything that I experienced happened twice as fast and hit twice as hard so it takes some adjusting.

These were my main symptoms and how I managed to get through them.

The foundations of  my relief during my first trimester included:

-Support from my spouse and family

- Listening to my body

- Ginger 

- Tylenol

- Faith, hope, and Prayer

Now to actually be specific about what got me through each major symptom is mentioned below. 

Nausea 24/7 with occasional vomiting that was more prominent in the morning and at night.

My relief: 

• Wearing very loose clothing at all times. I ended up wearing my husband's t-shirts and sweatpants with no undergarments because I couldn’t bare the slightest pressure on my body. 

• I needed every beverage to be ABSOLUTELY ICE COLD!

• Later on, I discovered Dramamine Ginger chews and those helped me alot, especially to get some food down

• Honestly, laying down at every chance I had was a huge nausea relief too!

Difficulty Eating or Staying Hydrated: the horrible cycle of being too nauseous to eat and then being more nauseous and in pain from not eating! Ughh! Sadly, I couldn't just eat ANYTHING either, my mind had to be set on it.

My relief:

• Eating once the dramamine kicked in

• Eating as soon as realized what I COULD eat

• Eat in small portions and SLOWLY

• Not worrying about eating healthy at this point because the goal when you're this nauseous is to just get food into your body

• In order to stay hydrated, I had to SIP water as soon as I woke up and throughout the day with lemons or limes. Sometimes, I would switch it out for coconut water on days I couldn't drink much water

• The most important thing to remember for this was listening to my body

Very Low Energy and Always Tired: my poor toddler had all this energy 24/7 and all I wanted to do was lay down and close my eyes, talk about mom guilt!

 My Relief:

• Trying to eat when I could because food is energy

• Laying down every chance I got

• Taking a nap when my toddler napped

Tons of Food Aversions Especially Meat: I did not want to smell meat cooking nor see or touch raw meat.

My Relief:

• Honestly, my husband was very understanding with this part and he either cooked or we went out to eat

• Other times, I just stayed away from my food aversions and ate what I could, when I could

Loads of Anxiety and Crying: My poor husband is all I have to say lol watching me go through this craziness

My Relief:

• Being open with those around me so that they can better understand what is happening and help with what they can

• Prayer is powerful

• Cry if I needed to, letting it all out, and then remembering what I am grateful for in order to move on with my day

Back and Hip Pain:

My Relief:

• The occasional need for Tylenol

• Stretching and strengthening of those muscles makes the biggest difference

Very Tender Breasts: These were ABSOLUTELY off limits, sorry hubby! I woke up with ridiculously sore breasts that could not bare to be touched.

 My Relief:

• No bra!

• Keep the hubby away!

Headaches For Days On End!

My Relief:

• Sometimes coffee would be of relief because I couldn't bare hot coffee for awhile

• Tylenol when nothing else worked

• Staying hydrated which was usually the culprit

Acne:

My Relief:

• Ignored it LOL. I know it is hormonal and stressing about it is only going to make it worse!

Lastly, The Occasional Heartburn:

My Relief:

• Staying away from the foods and drinks that were causing it

• TUMS

That is basically everything! At least everything that my mind hasn’t shut out about that horrible part of pregnancy LOL.

Remember that support, family, faith, hope, prayer, rest, and listening to your body is what is going to get you through this.

It is only TEMPORARY!

As always, I pray that you receive what you need from this post.

So Much Love,

Ki’ari

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the holy spirit”.

Romans 15:13

What I Plan On Doing Different: Labor and Delivery

Do you believe in having a birth plan?

I definitely did not; atleast not to the extent of writing one up and sharing it with my healthcare providers.

I knew what I wanted; which of course entailed doing things as natural as possible. 

I wanted to walk and keep moving during labor. 

I wanted to labor and deliver in the water. 

I wanted to use nitro gas to help through the pain with a dim room and tea lights. 

I wanted my midwife to deliver my baby and I wanted skin to skin immediately. 

When i think back, none of that actually happened!

Let’s see what actually happened..

The day after Christmas I got induced due to initial signs of preeclampsia at 37w1d. I did have my chosen midwife that day. I tried to walk through the beginning of my labor but that didn’t last long due to technical difficulties with the wireless monitor. I didn’t get to labor in the tub for whatever reason. I didn’t get to use nitro gas. I felt confined to the bed. I ended up getting the epidural at about 2cm, ridiculous, I know! I got three boluses of that because it DID NOT work for me. All it did was concentrate the pain in one area! And my labor ended with an emergency c-section, leaving me so drugged up I could barely keep my eyes awake to take in the arrival of my new baby. 

From that point on, the thought of labor and delivery had become mental trauma instead of a dream. 

I wouldn’t exactly say that the outcome entailed a healthy mama

It’s so crazy how much I really did not know. 

I was a first time mom to be with little knowledge, apparently. 

For some reason I thought being induced would be a wonderful thing because I get to see my baby sooner.

NOPE! Never again will I allow any provider to medically induce me. 

There are other ways to induce labor!

First off, Being medically induced means forcing your body to do something it’s not ready to do. 

Secondly, inducing a pregnant woman with an unripened cervix is very likely to lead to more interventions and probably an emergency c-section, like me!

It may not be the same for every women but my point is to really educate yourself and be prepared to make decisions you never want to make !

To be honest I was a little relieved and scared to know I needed an emergency c-section. For some reason, I thought that an emergency c-section was going to be an easier way out of my pain. Let me tell you that it is NOT an easy way out and the pain I went through physically, mentally, and emotionally, scarred me!

 Honestly ,YOU ARE YOUR ONLY ADVOCATE AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DECLINE AN INTERVENTION AND SPEAK YOUR MIND!

So, let’s rewind back to making up a birth plan.

I want to create one this time.

What is the purpose?

A birth plan is a guideline for what expectant mothers would LIKE to happen during labour and birth. They help to give a sense of control and assist your providers in understanding what is important to YOU!

Caring for a patient means placing your patients needs and desires at the CENTER of care.

Creating a birth plan is giving YOU, the expectant mother, a voice.

It is not concrete. There’s a huge chance it won’t go exactly how you plan. 

BUT! You still have the ability to ask questions, use your voice on your desires and educate yourself about creating a labor and delivery experience that you want, so that if something doesn’t go as planned you can know how to get around it and not just take your provider’s options as THE ONLY OPTIONS! Because more often than not, there is more than one way to do things. 

Surprisingly, I’m having twins this time so I thought my options for delivery were extremely narrowed, but after talking to my midwives they have told me that it’s still possible to have a natural birth like any other birth.

More things I plan on doing.

• More education on the laboring process with and without an epidural

The more knowledge and education you have is giving yourself more tools in your labor and delivery toolbox. Also, allows yourself to understand the process and reduce any fears associated with labor and delivery. Also, helps to know what is going on around you with your healthcare providers 

• Educating myself about preeclampsia

This is now part of my health history. So if I can understand better what causes it and how to hopefully reduce my chances of having it again that is a win

• Understanding the different possible outcomes of this pregnancy

Because of my history and type of pregnancy it’s better for me to know every possible outcome and have some type of plan so that I’m not hurt by the failure of my ideal experience 

• Hiring a doula

This is actually important to me. To have someone who knows how to comfort me and keep me focused during times that I feel ready to give up. This person will help educate me and my husband so that he can also be that person for me. She will keep me informed and ALWAYS at the center of my care

• Discussing early on with my healthcare team my wishes of wanting to do things as natural as possible and avoiding inductions and emergency c sections

I find it important to speak to your provider about your previous birth experience and how they effected you. The wishes that you have now based on past experiences so that you can discuss your current wishes and it not come as a surprise when it’s time for the babies to come.

This time around I pray for the outcome of TWO healthy babies and a healthy mama, including physically, emotionally, and mentally!

I will fight to get that outcome!

I pray the same over every expectant mother! My heart goes out to you!

So much love,

Ki’ari 

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What I wish I knew when planning baby #2

Every woman and every pregnancy is different. Not every pregnancy brings the same feelings! Prenatal depression and anxiety exists. This is my take on it.

Hello My Loves!

There are some families that feel complete with just one child and others with 10 children. Us? All we knew is that we did not want our son to be an only child. So…

On June 13th my husband and I finally got married. In September, we decided to start for baby #2. Our son is already two and loves being around other friends so we so badly wanted to give him his life long friend❤️ 

So we tried and tried for about 3 or 4 months. I was starting to feel discouraged and started to think something was wrong because we got pregnant with our son on the first try.

 It became a mental battle to be strong and thankful for the child that I already had and know that God will provide when the time is right. 

He always does.

Well, after giving up on “trying”, on December 29th I got my first VERY positive pregnancy test! I was only 9 DPO (days past ovulation), according to my calculations, but when I tell you that this “test” line was BLAZING! I could see it from outside the bathroom door! I was literally in shock! Mostly because of how dark the line was for how early I was testing! Like, I definitely knew that from the looks of that line that I was either further along than I thought OR there is more than one!

Immediately I thanked God for always being faithful regardless of my doubts and so did my very very excited husband! 

But…

In a matter of days my anxiety went from wondering if I’d be able to give my child a sibling to “oh my goodness my baby isn’t going to be my ONLY baby anymore”! 

When I tell you, that the devil was really trying to turn a blessing into fear ..he was working hard and becoming successful. 

How could I now be so fearful and full of anxiety over being able to have another baby?? A baby that we tried and prayed so hard for?? 

Soon came the panic attacks.

Soon came the uncontrollable sobbing.

I have NEVER heard a mother talk about the anxiety that they get when having another child!

It really was such a surprise to me because I felt no anxiety or fear when I was pregnant with my first child.

Like how do you get past that?? 

How do you get past…

“My baby won’t be my only baby anymore.”

“How am I going to love another child like I love my first?”

“Will my first baby love the next baby?”

“Will he feel any less loved??”

Then after all of the mom guilt thoughts subside…in rolls the the actual trauma of my first birth and postpartum experience ..

Did you know that your labor and delivery experience plays a huge role in your postpartum experience??? 

Yeah! So sadly, if you had a rough and traumatizing labor and delivery experience like I did, there’s a good chance of having the same postpartum experience.

For awhile those thoughts HAUNTED ME day and night! 

Like, why?!

Why can’t I just be absolutely excited for this pregnancy?

I want to be so bad! 

I want to be in love and excited just as much as I was with my first pregnancy!

All I wanted was to be pregnant again. To give my kid a sibling. 

And I still do! 

This time around it just takes a bit more faith in God.

It’s been about 3 months since finding out and I’m doing a lot better with it. Some days are still very hard between being so tired, being so sick, and the occasional thought of how am I going to take care of three kids when my husband has to finally return to work?? 

Yeah, three! We are having twins! God obviously had a purpose in that and I want to trust that purpose no matter how much it scares me!

I’m trying my best to be super excited about twins.

I am praying that I can be more knowledgeable and in control of how this birth experience goes.

It just would have been nice to know that it’s normal to want a baby and still be scared. It would have helped with the thought of “I don’t deserve this” and “I’m not a good enough mom for this”. 

So, to any other mom going through this, whether it’s your first, second, or third and so on; you’re not alone! 

Oh! And if you’re a twin mom reading this, please message me through my IG @taken_by_faith because I’d really love to connect with you! 

So much love, 

Ki’ari 

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Importance of Having A “Home”: The Postpartum Perspective

How do you define a “home”?

What would you say a home consists of? Is it the people, the size, the decor, the length of time spent in one place?

I have always said that my family is my “home”.

The place where I feel love, comfort, and safety. It doesn't matter where we are as long as I have my family, right?!

But, what happens when you’re left alone?

When you are no longer surrounded by the things and people that you once were completely surrounded by?

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Imagine this…

You’re used to living in a home full of family since the day you took your first breath. You shared space, time, laughter, hurt, memories.

And then…

You move into a place with your spouse a few months before you’re about to have your first baby…

This is actually very exciting news! You actually couldn’t wait to get out of your parents house and move in with the love of your life!

In this new place you have your main pieces of furniture and all of your necessities.

But, everything else is blank and empty.

No pictures on the walls, no decorations, nothing really…

You never really think to actually spend some money and time to decorate and fill your new place with some beautiful memories that were made.

For some reason you don’t think that it’s THAT important because you have the love of your life to live with.

Well, after the baby is born, your spouse has to go back to work leaving you in this new, blank, empty space with a newborn baby.

The only person you have to talk to is your new baby, but there’s really no conversation happening.

Everything is repetitive, silent, and painful.

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What do you think happens to your mind in this scenario?

If you’re thinking…

That you would go insane…

That your new friends would go by the names of anxiety and depression…

That is exactly right!

That was me! It gets deeper than that but, sadly that is all I can actually form into words.

Let me tell you just how much of a shock it was to my system to go from living with family 24/7 to being in solitude almost 24/7.

This is what solitude does to your mental health. 

Let’s start with the obvious depression and anxiety. It can cause confusion, extreme mood swings, inability to cope with daily problems, trouble sleeping, and not to mention actual physical health issues!

It got so bad that my husband became my enemy, I felt lost and unworthy. I started thinking that something was watching me and my child whenever I tried to care for him. I literally went insane and probably was hallucinating… I needed to be “home” again because honestly the place that we resided seemed too far gone to make it feel like it was “home”.

You may have not come from a close knit family like me, but being in a place that is new, unfamiliar, empty, with nobody to talk to…it would do just the same to you.

I, myself, do not ever want to have to go through that again and I definitely do not want anyone else going through that either! 

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So, here are the things that need to happen to hopefully avoid going insane too.

Your “home” is whatever you make it out to be!

I do not believe that a home is the physical place that I reside but the people that I love and share life with.

Go back to the questions at the beginning. 

How do you define a “home”?

What would you say a home consists of? Is it the people, the size, the decor, the length of time spent in one place?

If your views are the same as mine. Do me a favor, make the place you reside in SCREAM home with decor, pictures, art, whatever brings you comfort.

Because being alone is not always scary or unwanted. It only becomes that way when there is no hint of “home” anywhere to be seen.

Invite Family & Friends Over!

I know with COVID forever going rampant and infecting everyone it can be hard and give you excuses. But, it is necessary to keep our relationships alive and well! Go outside for a walk or something. The fresh air can be so helpful, it is literally refreshing for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Walk and visit with friends and family. 

Do something for yourself! This, I can not emphasize enough because this is the biggest game changer!

Stay busy doing things that make you feel like the best version of yourself because your life doesn’t need to only revolve around cooking, cleaning, and caring for a newborn.

You may not have the energy at first, but just deny yourself the comfort just for a minute because you will never regret doing something that makes you feel like yourself again.

You can do something simple and take time to work out, do your make up, get your hair or nails done. I don’t know and I do not care what you do as long as you do it for you.

Or, you can be a little extreme and start that small business you maybe always thought about because there really is no better time than now.

Just do it. 

I want to see you smile and feel good.

Make a “HOME” for yourself, you will be happy that you took the time and the resources to do so.

So Much Love,

Ki’ari

“My people will live in peaceful neighborhood– in safe homes, in quiet gardens.”

Isaiah 32:18 MSG

Taking Over Postpartum Depression

The grave I was in you emptied

You gave me joy for mourning

Now hope is my testimony

Post Partum Depression AKA “The Thief That Steals Motherhood”

A chemical imbalance, a state of mind, the devil, depriving women of the joy that new life brings…

That definitely seems like a devil move to me!

Post Partum Depression (PPD) is described as moderate to severe depression occurring during the first year after birth and within the first 3 months (Hutchens & Kearney, 2020).

An estimated 13% to 19% of childbearing women will experience PPD, making it the most common morbidity related to childbirth. That means about 520,000 to 760,000 women suffer PPD EVERY YEAR! (Hutchens & Kearney, 2020).

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I, Ki’ari, am part of the 13-19% of women that have played a victim to postpartum depression and anxiety.

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Like me, you are not alone in your battle. There is someone who understands you! There is a God that knows your heart and completely understands you without you needing to try to explain.

First, I want you to know that he cares deeply for you and wants to be the source of your joy.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love”. -Romans 8:38 NLT

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First Thing

The first thing to do for yourself is claim the Lord’s promises to you! He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He promises peace, joy, and everlasting love.

Tell yourself everyday, over and over as many times as you need to, “I AM NOT MY ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, IT WILL NOT HOLD ME!”

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Give It All To God

Everyday I cried. Everyday I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everyday I felt like less than enough. I snapped constantly. I couldn’t think clearly. I wanted to do everything for my son because I felt that was all I was good for, if that!. I had to leave the room if someone tried to care for my son because I wanted to scream and cry. I did not know why I felt the way I did. I did not understand it. I looked at my husband like he was my enemy. I gave him the worst version of me, I blamed him. Nobody understands me and I can’t conjure up the words to try to explain myself. I prayed and prayed for God to stop everything, it was becoming too much. I was in a deep black hole that I could not see a way out of. I was broken.

That's where I was less than two years ago.

“Cast All your anxiety onto him because he cares for us” - 1 Peter 5:7

Mama, you do not need to hold on to all of that hurt and anxiety, give it to GOD because he does not want that for you. Do it for YOU!

It takes time but you will make it out. God has an everlasting abundance of love, strength, courage, and joy that you can forever draw from. 

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Do Something For You!

You are more than a mom, a daughter, a sister, a wife, you are YOU! So do the things that make you feel good. Do it because you love yourself. Start small because I know it is hard. 

Give yourself the love and attention that you give your children. I started with long hot showers at night after putting my son to sleep. It became my thing. My relaxation, my self-love time. 

Get Outside, the fresh air seems to have a soothing effect on the mind.

Don’t feel bad for taking your child to a safe place so that you can breathe. God gave us breath for a reason, it has healing properties.

Don’t give yourself a hard time because you did not have the energy to cook, clean, or give your husband attention. 

Those around you benefit the most when you are taken care of.

Once a week, if you can, start your day the way that you want to.

My favorite kind of mornings include, a spot on the couch by the window, silence, a hot cup of coffee, and getting some real time spent with the Lord and his word.

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Get the Help You Need

First off, it is okay to take medicine to help get a leg up.

I hated the thought of needing any medication but I was so tired, burnt out, sick of feeling the way I was, I needed help. It is not a permanent solution, it's just meant to be a stepping stool.

Talk to someone about what is going on physically, emotionally, and mentally because it has the potential to make a difference.

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Celebrate The Little Wins

Depressed or not, everyday is not always going to go as planned but those hard days tend to hit much harder when you are depressed.

Trust me, I understand!

Recognizing your little wins can be a very powerful weapon against depression’s negativity.

Know that just because today was not the best, does not mean that tomorrow will be the same.

Be proud of yourself for every little goal that you accomplish and watch how far you go!

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Remind Yourself

You are not alone.

You are enough.

You are not your anxiety and depression.

You are deeply loved and cared for.

This is not the end.

Great is God’s faithfulness.

There is no emptiness that he will not fill.

So Much Love,

Kiari

From The Ashes You Make Beautiful Things

References

Hutchens, B.F. and Kearney, J. (2020), Risk Factors for Postpartum Depression: An Umbrella Review. Journal of Midwifery & Women's Health, 65: 96-108. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmwh.13067

Why You Should Teach Your Child Sign Language

What is your position when it comes to learning and teaching your child a new language? 

Did you know that when your child is taught both English and sign language together, they are processing language using both sides of their growing little brains?

Hey Mamas,

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There are so many benefits to teaching our babies sign language. According to experts, babies around six to seven months can remember signs, by eight months they can start signing single words, and by 24 months they can start signing full sentences!

I think that is honestly amazing!

You can choose to teach your kid ASL until they can sign complete sentences but for now we will just go over a few signs that are great to start with. 

These are signs that I started teaching my son when he was about 7-8 months and it really clicked when he was about 9 months.

 He continues to use it too!

I swear he has three languages, English, sign language, and the language of “mmm” “hmmm” “ahhh” partnered with a pointer finger LOL.

But let’s talk about his knowledge of sign language  because that is obviously why you are here!

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Benefits of Sign Language For Your Baby 

-Learning Sign along with English gives children two places to recall language from instead of just one 

- Research shows that teaching sign language to preverbal children speeds up speech and emotional development

- it reduces frustration for the child and for the parent by providing a means of communication (the main reason I started ASL)

(Let’s talk about this point! Young children get very frustrated before they learn to speak because they have no way of communicating their wants and needs with us.

This frustration is the reason for most screaming, crying, and tantrum episodes. Teaching our children just a few signs can significantly reduce the feelings of anger making everyone happier and situations less stressful.)

- it increases parent-child bonding

- lets babies communicate vital information, such as being hurt or hungry

-children are said to have improved confidence and self-esteem

The list can literally go on so if you’re really interested in the benefits I encourage you to do a little research because there is so much out there.

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Basic Signs For Your Baby

For every sign, the easiest way to teach your child, is to sign the word EVERY SINGLE TIME that you say it.

Consistency is literally KEY just like everything else! 

The more they see you do it, the faster they will learn. 

Also, after you sign each word, do it a few times and then help them to do it too!

Example: “Do you want milk (sign milk)”? Milk (sign), Milk (sign)

Also, VERY IMPORTANT, be very encouraging and full of praise when they try to do it, or do it correctly. Children love praise and will be encouraged to do it more so they can get that praise.

Lastly, note that every sign does not need to be done perfectly, it’s just meant for your child to be understood!

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We started with these:

Description of Each Sign

EAT: basically the action of bringing food to your mouth

DRINK: the action of drinking from a cup

MILK: opening and closing your hand

THANK YOU: Bring the tip of your fingers to your chin and directly out

PLEASE: open hand to the abdomen and move it in a circle clockwise

ALL DONE: The action of putting your hands in front of you and flipping your hands so your palms face you and then your child

MORE: Bringing the tips of your fingers to repeatedly tap each other as shown above

These are all very small and simple hand gestures that make a huge difference in motherhood.

As always, I pray that my learned knowledge and skills is helpful to you and make motherhood that much smoother for you!

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So Much Love,

Ki’ari

“ He Comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

2 Corinthians 1:4-5

Toddler Barely Eating? Here’s Some Peace of Mind

Hello Loves!

It’s a new week and another exciting time to connect with you!
Connecting with all of you brings me such fulfillment and joy. I am always thankful for your interest!

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Omari turns TWO in just a few weeks and it is so overwhelming. My little baby is getting older and I can’t stand to see it! He already acts like he is two, I swear! 

The tantrums have really leveled up.

“No” remains his favorite word

And for a period of time now he has refused food ALOT! To the point where my husband and I were constantly stressing over his intake. Like, this kid has so much energy running and jumping all over the place! How is he not hungry?!

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The first peace of mind is knowing that it is normal for toddlers to go through periods of not eating or barely eating. 

• Making a fuss over having to sit down and eat.

• Or you might notice that one day you finally think that you find food that your toddler will actually eat and then the next day they are refusing that food too!

It is normal!

The funniest thing about this no eating strike my toddler decided to participate in does not pertain to any candy, cookies, or other unhealthy treats. 

They think they are slick! Lol

There are many many reasons our toddlers are not eating.

1. They do not typically need a lot of food, they have small stomachs.

2. They get very interested in the world around them and do not care to stop and eat.

3. Their appetite can also vary with their amount of activity.

What we have learned is that he WILL eat when he is hungry and so will your toddler! They will not starve themselves! One day they may eat a lot and the next they will eat next to nothing and it is normal.

I do want to say that if you truly think your toddler is not eating because of an underlying problem just bring them to the doctors. You know your toddler better than anyone else mama.

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What To Do

We continue to struggle with Omari and his lack of appetite but these are things that we do to give us some peace of mind and things that you can try too, mama. The goal is not to force feed them but to encourage them to eat nutritionally packed food and keep them hydrated. Pray that everyday our children get the nutrition that they need.

1. Always Have Water Or Watered Down Juice In Their Line Of Sight And Easy Reach

The most important thing for any human is to stay hydrated. Keeping a drink where they can see and easily grab gives them independence to drink when they need to. Along with leaving it, you can also continue to offer it.

2. For Snacks, Try Putting About 2-5 Different Healthy Options Out For Them To Grab When They Feel They Want To Eat.

This means put it where they can see it! Toddlers are all about showing their independence. For example, I like to put a couple different fruits, pretzels, and peanut butter crackers out for easing grabbing.

Meal Time

1. When It Is Meal Time, Offer A Smaller Serving Than Usual.

Sometimes seeing a plate with a lot of food can be overwhelming and deter them from actually eating. Plus, toddlers really only need small servings at meal time.

2. Let Them Help You Meal Prep Or Cook 

This allows your toddler to feel like they are participating in an important activity in the house. Eating what they have made gives them a sense of pride and independence increasing the likelihood of them actually eating.

3. Give Them Two Options About Where They Can Eat

At meal time, we first tell Omari that he has to sit in his highchair so that he can eat his food. If he makes a fuss about the highchair. We usually offer him to stand in his Learning Tower to eat and more times than not he will at least attempt to eat. To be honest, he eats a lot more in his tower than anywhere else.

4. Be Encouraging!

It is amazing how well toddlers do when they are praised! When your toddler does not want to eat but at least tries, give them praise! Every time you see them eat, be encouraging. It works, I swear!

5. Supplement

If you do all of these things and your child’s lack of appetite still bothers you to the point where you are pulling your hair out. First, if you're willing, pray for you and your child’s needs because you need it lol. This is what I do. 

But! Also, Omari still loves his milk and instead of giving him regular milk every time. We give him Orgain’s Kids Chocolate Protein Shakes which he absolutely loves and it's packed with calories and good nutrients. Also, I will say that his doctor is aware and is okay with it. So if you choose to do the same, please let your toddler’s doctor know.

That Is All Folks!

Honestly, these are the things that we do with Omari and some days things go very well and other days not so much, but it is okay! I pray that this helps you like it does for us!

Just try your best mama! You got this!

God bless you and your family!

So Much Love,

Ki’ari 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

My Top Remedies for Cough & Congestion In Children

Hello Loves,

Here we are again! 

Tis’ the season where the cold and flu thrive and our poor babies struggle with cough and congestion. 

I know how hard it is, especially for a first time mom, to see our babies sick. The younger they are the harder it is because there is not much that we can actually do to help them like we can help our older kids. 

If you think that you are a bad parent because you feel like you have no idea what you are doing or how to help your baby, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!. Your concern alone means that you are a good parent and love your child dearly. 

I am a nurse and STILL find myself feeling clueless on how to help my baby boy. I get so overwhelmed and so worried about him.

We all go through it and it's okay to ask for help. 

So, today I want to share with you what has worked holistically and medically for us. For each product I share I have provided an affiliate link. 

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(Disclaimer) In no way, shape, or form am I trying to take the place of your child’s medical provider. Always discuss starting new medications with your child’s doctor. 

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Also, if you feel like your child needs to see a doctor at any point, just bring them, because “moooottthhherrrrrr knowwwsss BEST!” -cue Mother Gothel (Rapunzel’s Mom)

Ahah sorry, I felt like that was only right to say. Okay. I’m done.

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Holistically

I have found that the best remedies for cough and congestion for any age are these 3 things!

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1.Let your child inhale the hot steam of a shower.

What I like to do is run the shower as hot as it can be until the bathroom gets extra steamy and then I will turn the water off and just sit and play with him in the bathroom for about 15-20 minutes. Or, I turn the water wayyyyy down so that it is warm and put him in the shower.

The hot steam helps to moisten the airways, open them up, and thin and loosen any mucus. This in turn will make the boogies run, but that is what you want because that is how the body gets rid of the sick bug. Your baby will be able to  breathe much easier and soothe their cough as well.

The problem that we can run into is the change in air quality. When you leave the bathroom that was all nice and steamy, the air is cooler and drier than the bathroom. This change can cause the sinuses to close back up, making it hard breathe as easily.

This leads me to my next thing.

2. Invest in a humidifier

A humidifier does the same thing as a hot steamy shower without wasting all of your hot water! It creates an increased moisture in the air which can help relieve cough and congestion.

Reminders:

1. Use distilled water or boiled tap water when filling the humidifier to avoid putting “stuff” in the air that you do not want there.

2. Keep it clean! Usually with soap and water but usually the humidifier instructions will tell you how to clean your humidifier

3. Put it where you spend most of your time and/or where you sleep for best results

I have used at least four different humidifiers and each one ended up in the trash. Either it was ridiculous to clean or it just stopped working! 

Recently, we got a new humidifier because honestly I cannot live without one when any of us are sick. 

We purchased the Safety 1st Easy Clean Cool Mist 3-in-1 Humidifier and it is hands down the best humidifier we have ever purchased. 

It is super easy to clean! I can actually fit my hand inside of it and I just clean it with soap and water.

I fill the tank up completely and put it on the lowest setting and it literally will last all day and night and part of the next day!

It has a night light with different color options. We put the red light on to match our Hatch Rest sound machine.

It also has an adjustable mist outlet so i can direct the mist right towards us, especially while we are sleeping.

My favorite thing about this is that it is actually a diffuser as well. There is a slot in the back to put little essential oil soaked pads and it comes with two lavender packs to try!

I love it!

3. Chest Percussion

I know this may seem like a complicated word but it is actually very simple. What I do is cup my hand and lightly hit all around my son’s chest. I make it like a musical and pretend I am drumming on his chest and he gets to hear the change in his voice. He’s two! He loves it! 

What this does is help break up the mucus in every area of his lungs to help his body cough it up and get rid of it. I usually do this about twice a day, depending on his congestion.

4. Try to avoid any dairy or an super cold foods and drinks because they only exacerbate the congestion. I like to give my son room temperature drinks because he doesn’t like warned drinks anymore sadly.

 Now, this next thing might be alarming to some of you but TRUST ME once you use it there is no turning back! I will have one of these for every single one of my kids! It is absolutely amazing and makes such a difference! So after every effort to loosen up the mucus, you need to get rid of it to get rid of the sick bug. 

And that is where this comes in… 

5. The Fridababy Nosefrida Snot Sucker

Yes! You read those words correctly! SNOT SUCKER! 

Sounds absolutely disgusting, I know! Honestly, it becomes pretty satisfying after using it a good amount of times. LOL don’t judge me.

When I first saw this I was working at a daycare in the infant room. I watched as this mom sucked the boogies out of her 8 month old baby’s nose and I was absolutely disgusted! I definitely swore that I would NEVER use that because it’s gross and I am no good with nose and mouth related mucus!

But, of course, they are right when they say NEVER SAY NEVER!

When my son was about 2 months old he was very congested making it hard for him to sleep and eat and like any other mom I did not care what I had to do to help my baby.

Of course, I remembered this, and of course I bought it right away. 

Definitely, one of the best decisions I have made as a new mama.

So basically, it is just a tube with a mouthpiece on one end and a nasal aspirator on the other end. You put the nose sucker to the opening of your baby's nostril, NOT INSIDE, and deeply inhale and move the nose sucker in a circle against your baby’s nostril. 

NO YOU WILL NOT SUCK IN ANY BOOGERS!

It is the most simplest and effective tool ever and I never want to have a sick day without it!

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Medically

Let’s move on to some medications we use.

I understand some of you are not fans of medications. Medicine is honestly the last thing I ever go to when any of us are sick. Except, I got to the point where my child needed it so I went to the store and of course bought every medication I thought would be useful. 

These are my top 3 medications that I absolutely love for cough and congestion in children! I use all of them in combination and get excellent results! You can find them at your local pharmacy or right on Amazon where I have provided links.

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(Disclaimer) In no way, shape, or form am I trying to take the place of your child’s medical provider. Always discuss starting new medications with your child’s doctor.  

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1. Zarbees Cough and Mucus Syrup (available for babies and children)

This stuff works wonders and it’s all natural! It’s made with dark honey and ivy leaf extract. It is gluten free. Free of drugs, alcohol, parabens, and it has no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or dyes. 

I only give it to him after breakfast and about 30 minutes before bed and he is usually great all day and night! It soothes his cough pretty quickly and when he does cough it helps him to really get rid of all that yucky mucus!

2. Zarbee’s Natural Baby Soothing Chest Rub 

 This stuff really works! 

My son has some sensitive skin and it doesn’t bother him at all. Like the cough and mucus syrup, this is all natural and organic. It is made with eucalyptus, lavender, beeswax, and shea butter. It rubs on so smoothly and smells really good. It has no artificial fragrances, petroleum, menthol, or dyes. 

I usually put some all over his chest, neck, and a dab on his nose after his night time bath and whenever he seems pretty stuffy. 

A little goes a long way, it will definitely last you awhile!

Lastly…

3. The Fridababy Breathefrida Vapor Bath Drops

Can you tell that I am a huge fan of the Zarbees and Fridababy products yet? LOL

This adds a nice boost to your child’s bath/shower time, really helping soothe that horrible cough and congestion. You can put it in the bath or in your diffuser, we put it in the bath. 

I usually like to add about 10-12 drops of it into his shower while it is steaming hot to really get those vapors flowing in the bathroom before putting him in the shower. Usually, this is at bedtime but when he is really sick he takes a shower up to 3 times a day with this stuff because it really helps!

It too is organic and made with eucalyptus and lavender.

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These have all been my absolute go-to’s for when my baby boy is sick and it really gets us through! I have recommended this to other moms and it seems to work for them too! I pray that you can benefit from this post as well! 

Happy Holidays! Stay Happy and Healthy My Loves!

So Much Love,

Ki’ari

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

-Proverbs 31:28-29

Holiday Gift Guide

A Montessori Inspired Gift Guide For Our 0-3 Year Old Munchkins

Helloo Mamas!

Who is ready for the Holiday season???

It is such a wonderful, cheerful, and busy time of the year. It can also be very stressful honestly. But of course we will do anything to put a smile on our babies faces, even if they’re not “babies” anymore! AHAH they are OUR babies!

Anyways, it can be hard to figure out to what to get our little humans. We want something that will be worth the money, help them grow in their development, and last generations.

Montessori Inspired toys are meant to be simple and organized. Requiring our children to participate in play, their main way of learning. These toys allow the kiddos to build, manipulate, interact, and decide how THEY want to play.

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So, below I have listed Montessori Inspired toys according to the different age groups and their developmental stage for customized holiday shopping. To read more about each item just click directly on the name of the desired toy! The list of toys corresponds to the pictures going from left to right.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

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1. Wooden Play Yard

2. Wooden Rattle and Teethers

3. Stacking Cups

4. Stacking Rings

5. Silicone Teething Ring

6. Pacifiers

1. Silicone Baby Feeding Set of 9

2. Montessori Carrots Harvest Game

3. Montessori Rolling Drum

4. Montessori Activity Cube

5. Montessori Object Permanence Box

6. Rainbow Stacking Toy

1. Learning Tower

2. Wooden Activity Push Toy

3. Cleaning Set

4. Shape Sorter

5. Shape Stacking Toy

6. Wooden Pound and Tap Bench

1. Montessori Climber Set of 3

2. Wooden Balance Board

3. Ramp Racer Toy

4. Pretend Play Kitchen

5. Toddler Safe Knife Set

6. Dinosaur Color Counting Toy Set

“Children are a gift from the Lord: they are a reward from him.”

Psalms 127:3

Montessori Home

Do you want to learn more about how to make your home a Montessori inspired environment for your child? You do not have to pay an arm and a leg for your child to go to a Montessori school when you get create the same environment at home. 

Do you want to learn ways to raise your child to be independent, think critically, act with integrity, and work collaboratively? 

Well, in this blog I let you in on just a few easy ways that you can create this environment in your home!

Hey Beautiful!

I have always been into the Montessori idea for my children because I have always heard nothing but great things about this method. The only thing is that I really did not know much about it. 

So, today I am going to let you know what the Montessori method is and how it started. I am also going to let you know how I easily made my home Montessori friendly.

So What is Montessori?

The Montessori Method fosters growth in all areas of development including cognitive, emotional, social, and physical. Montessori has been around for more than a century and is a child-focused approach to learning. It was developed by Italian physician Dr. Maria Montessori and has transformed education all over the globe. These children are usually deeply engaged in their work and are respectful of themselves and others. It is designed to nurture the child’s natural desire to learn instead of pump your kid’s brain full of facts. .

I promise you that incorporating the Montessori method at home is not difficult!

My son is turning TWO in December 2021! That is so insane to say but ANYWAYS lol! His favorite word to say is “no” and I am sure you mamas know exactly what I am talking about. I grew up with the words “no” from my father 24/7, so to hear it from my son constantly just gets to be incredibly annoying! 

Once I started incorporating Montessori inspired methods I started hearing the word “no” less often.

I allow my son to be independent in his choices by giving him options that I and his father have approved of. This allows him to feel like he has control over what he is doing. If your child feels like that have control then they also are more willing and eager to complete the tasks at hand.

By now you’re probably like, “Okay Ki’ari, tell me how I can do this already!” Ahah so here we go!

Give your child choices and variety! 

1. When getting dressed pick out a couple weather appropriate outfits and let them choose which one to wear. I guarantee you that your child will let you get him/her dressed without the fight that two year olds like to put up.

2. My son is also at that picky stage. Therefore, I leave a basket of different fruits on the counter that he can reach when he climbs into his learning tower. We also leave two baskets of appropriate snacks in the pantry at his eye level so that he can easily grab them. We do the same with drinks in the fridge. He also has his own cabinet space where he can grab his own cups, bowls/plates, and bibs too! This makes your child feel good and you as well!

Your child wants to be like you!

What I mean by this is that your child wants to be doing everything that you’re doing. This is nothing new to you, I’m sure. When you’re sweeping, mopping, cooking, doing dishes, let your child help you. It will make them the happiest kid in the world and makes opportunity for a wonderful mommy and me experience.

We bought Omari toy cleaning set so whenever he makes a dry mess he can try to clean it up. He has a realistic looking kitchen where I tell him to make me a meal and we pretend make it together. 

Or if I can, I let him help me cook a real meal and he will stand on his learning tower which you can find here on amazon. It is probably one of my most favorite toddler purchases because it is so useful! We use it everyday, multiple times a day, and Omari loves it so much! It is height adjustable, made of real wood, very sturdy, and also has a safety rail on the back! Amazon currently has a $30 off coupon for it too!

Heres a picture of him washing the dishes, which is probably his favorite FREE activity. Just be sure to put a towel like I did in the photo or you might find yourself a nice little puddle.

The Play Room

So you may not have a play room, you may just have a little corner in your living room or bedroom and that is okay! Kids really do not care as long as you keep switching things up and have items that keep your child engaged.

I am currently still trying to get on the “toy rotation” wave, which is very popular in the Montessori world but I forget and I am still learning and that is okay!

Currently, these are the items we have on rotation right now and his favorites are the toy cars and the tools. 

I tried to incorporate his current favorite toys, practice life toys (the tools), creative play ( the hand puppets), and the keyboard (because this kid loves music)

I also have his art on display all over his play room so that he knows him and his work is important to us. I also have puzzles and books out for him to choose from when it is time to wind down.

That is how I have easily made my home Montessori friendly to increase my child’s independence. I hope you feel like you can apply this to your home and child’s life. If you do, I would love to hear about it!

So much Love,

Ki’ari

7 Self-care Tips that will change your life

Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions of day to day life? Feel lost and out of control? Do you want to feel full of life again? I will not tell you that you can feel like the person you once was but I can tell you that with these 7 self-care tips you will feel better than you ever have.

Self-care is not always about working out or eating healthy even though these are amazing things to do for yourself. A lot of times women run to this because we think that once we work out and eat right that will make us happy when we look the way we think we want to look. We are so guilty of doing it for the WRONG reasons.

We do such a horrible job of loving ourselves. We are so consumed with self-loathing that is nothing but unhealthy and unproductive. All we do is judge ourselves harshly and we need to stop. God loves us and forgives us no matter what, we need to start doing the same. We need to learn to do things that make us feel good because we LOVE ourselves not because we hate what we look like or feel like at the time.

Everyday self care looks different. Be easy on yourself.

Find what feels good and do it because you LOVE yourself. If you do not get anything from this post. I pray that you at least remember this point.

You know, theres a huge correlation between our ability to love ourselves in a healthy way and our ability to love those around us. I know that our kids are our lives and we want to give them the world. But, what does this leave us with Momma, if you continue to forget about yourself, you are going to feel like nothing most days. As I said in my previous post How to start your journey to self discovery after having a baby, you cannot pour from a cup without refilling it momma. 

So here are 7 Self Care tips that will make you feel alive again:

• Accept yourself where you stand

• Gratitude

• Discover the little joys

• Dive into your spirituality

• Communicate

• Connect with others

• Commit to yourself

 I know that these are very broad but bare with me. Self-care looks different for everybody but all lead back to these 7 tips.

I did not learn any of this until I was going through the hardest times in my life. Many times it takes hard times to finally end up in a good place. Every day is obviously not going to be the best day but once I started putting these 7 self care tips to work life changed for me AND my family for the better.

When you take care of yourself you reap the benefits in every area of your life.

So let’s get into it already!

Accept yourself where you stand

I need you to realize right now momma that you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful and made with purpose. Once you accept this you are ready to move on to taking care of yourself and discover your purpose.

It always starts with accepting where you are now. Loving yourself in the place that you are now and make changes because you love yourself and not because you hate yourself.

This is everyday work. Many moms struggle with body image and sense of self. So everyday when you see yourself in the mirror tell yourself that you are beautiful and that you have purpose. Even if you do not believe it, SAY IT, because one day you will believe it and your life will be changed for the better because of it.

I actually put a bunch of sticky notes on my bathroom mirror because I know I will be faced with them every day, multiple times a day. They say things like “Do it because you love yourself and no other reason”. “Love yourself in every season because God does”. “I love me and most importantly God loves me; SAY IT!”. Put these notes in places where you will be faced with them often.

Everything is mind of matter. So once you win the mental battle everything falls into place.

Gratitude

“Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness. It’s the spark that lights a fire of joy in your soul.” – Amy Collette

Have you ever noticed that when you are having a great day and then all of a sudden something crappy happens and your amazing day some how seems to turn into the worst day? Ooorr, one day you wake up to something crappy and that somehow turns your whole day sour? Why do we as humans hold on to the negative and forget all the moments that made the day great? It makes no sense sometimes!

Let’s try to wake up each morning with grateful thoughts. Cut out any thoughts that are negative or include your todays “to do” list. It amazing the changes that happen when we focus on the positive for once. Many people journal first thing in the morning, others like myself, just lay in bed and meditate on all of the things that I am grateful for that day.

If you like to journal and think that it would be the most impactful to you, I linked one that I like the most, here.

Discover the little joys

Discover the little things that bring you joy and keep note of them because as our lives change, so do the things that bring us joy. Continue to figure out these things because they make a difference.

Before my child was born I loved to read books, hang out with my friends, go out dancing and do yoga dumb early in the morning, which feels almost impossible now a days. Currently, taking a long hot shower and doing a super long and in depth beauty care routine. Seeing my friends once in awhile, going on family walks, any family activities, reading, working on my blog, waking up at least 30 minutes earlier than my family to take time to drink my coffee and spend time in the word. All of these things I have discovered bring me some type of joy.

Figure out what brings you joy and do it as often as you can.

Dive into your Spirituality

Spirituality looks different for many people. For me, spirituality is feeling connected to my faith and spending time with the Lord.

Going through the rough patch in my life is when I realized that I really need God to be happy and that is where my faith grew.

God does not put us in these predicaments but he loves when we are in them because he finally has a way to reach you and show you how much he really loves you and will do for you.

In this aspect self care looks like:

• Waking up before my family and spending time in the scripture; When I study the bible I like to write and draw directly on the pages so I use the NLT reflections bible. I got myself and my husband one for Christmas a couple years ago and we absolutely love it.

  I linked it here, just in case you were interested! :)

• Praying in every season and for every reason

• Listening to the gospel music in all its forms like christian rap, yes there is more than just church music! I listen to gospel music at least 95% of the time now and it has made the biggest difference.

• Pray for myself, my partner, and my children

Communicate

I cannot say enough that communication is key!

It may not always be the easiest thing but it makes all the difference. Communicate your needs and desires to your partner or your family.

If you need time alone, communicate it.

If you do not like something or you absolutely love something, communicate it.

As close to your family as you may or may not be, nobody can you read your mind.

My husband and I used to live in silence so many times whenever we would disagree about something and I swear to this day that silence is what killed our relationship at the time.

Now we communicate how we feel when we can clearly speak our minds and not just emotions and then move on with life because the day is so much better when you are not still mad about the misunderstanding that happened that morning. Your mental health is not worth it AT ALL!

Connect with others

First things first, I do not care what any body says, I believe that we never created or intended to be alone, in solitude.

We were meant to be in relationship with others, whether that is your siblings, parents, friends, significant others, a stranger!

Connection with others makes a world of a difference! Even if we struggle to trust people or connect with them, theres always something inside of us that is yearning to meaningfully relate to other people.

It can be so mentally debilitating being in solitude!

Good friends better each other in a million ways. In a time of hardship and depression, connection can really help us to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Connecting with others can keep us grounded.

Commit to yourself

Last but of course not lease, commitment. I definitely can say that I need to work on this myself. I constantly find myself starting to do things for myself but then soon enough it fades away.

It is hard, why? I wish I knew!

But I do know, that I am going to continue to work on it and so should you because we are worth all of the love in this world. We can do steps 1-6 and see a change but it will only be temporary without step number 7.

So let’s do ourselves a favor. Let’s start committing to loving ourselves the way be deserve to be loved.

I am always here to cheer you on!

So much love,

Ki’ari

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyle and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. 1Peter 3:3-4

How to start your journey to self discovery after having a baby

The first step to self-discovery after becoming a mom is to know that you are enough. To tell yourself everyday that you are enough until you whole-heartedly believe it.

First steps are always the hardest but are always the most life-changing.

I know what it feels like to feel lost just wanting to feel like myself again. The truth is that we will never be our old selves again but is that so bad. We are going to discover the best versions of ourselves, but first to start this journey, read the letter.

A letter to all Mothers

Am I a good mother? Am I being a good wife? Friend? Sister? Am I doing enough? All questions that constantly went through my head. I am Ki’ari. A first time mother to my sweetest boy who will be two in December. You know, the love that a mother and her child have is so unique, beautiful, and inexplicable. You know, so many people make it seem like becoming a mother is the most beautiful and smooth sailing thing in the world. Do not get me wrong; motherhood is beautiful. Yet, nobody tells you about how it can drain you, crush you down into little bitty pieces, and put you in the darkest of dark places. Nobody tells you that when you look in the mirror, you are not going to recognize the woman looking back at you. Everything seems so foreign. Life is not recognizable and that is the darkest part. All you know is that life changed drastically, you feel so lost, and have no time or space to hide from it all. You have to be there for this new baby and the husband that you have had no desire to look at. The craziest part is that eventually you find out that you are not the only one going through this and that it is actually quite normal to go through a period of darkness after having a baby. Most importantly you come to find out that you actually are not alone.

Now let’s ask ourselves those same questions again. Am I a good mother? Yes you are a wonderful mother Ki’ari. Am I a good wife? Yes, you are an amazing wife Kiari! Am I doing enough? Yes, you are always enough and doing enough Kiari. Now I need you, the mom reading this, to know that you are always enough too. You know how you are a great mother? You are a great mother because you show up everyday for your family and do nothing but the best that you can. But it is important to know that you can only give your family as much as you give yourself! Remember that! Also, remember that God loves you. We do not have to be perfect because he already is. Jesus says that you are a child of God. You ever wonder where this love that we have for our children comes from? Nothing comes from nothing. Matthew Kelly, author of Rediscover Jesus: An Invitation, describes it best, “You see, if I can love my children the way I do — and I am wounded, imperfect, and broken — imagine how much God the Father loves us” , his child. Our value does not comes from the things that we do but who we are and we are children of God. Just keep pushing mom. Keep leaning. You are not alone. You are loved. You are infinitely valuable. Most importantly, you are a child of God. I really want you to take this to heart. 

Join me in rediscovering love.

Love your friend, Ki’ari

If you choose to read Matthew Kelly’s Rediscover Jesus: An Invitation Below is the Link:

https://amzn.to/3B1t8MF